Tuesday, October 7, 2008

What October 7th Means To Me


October 7th is a special day to our family. Today is Shea and Aidan's 12th birthday. At the risk of sounding a little old, I really feel the need to reminisce a bit about this day and what it means to me. I remember this day, one dozen years back, so well. After being warned that I would most likely have a complicated pregnancy (as most twin pregnancies are), I breezed through with a seemingly smooth one. That is not to say that many of those nine months were not extremely uncomfortable and sprinkled with a few bumps (in more ways than one - ha) along the way; like an increased amount of Vitamin K - so much so that my levels were off the charts from anything the doctor's office had ever seen - that caused SEVERE itching; as well as suffering through the hottest summer for Southern California in over 20 years - whew! But all-in-all, I was quite healthy and quite excited to "grow" our family significantly with this grand event.

While excitement was in the air, there was also a lot of anxiety about just how we would handle this significant growth spurt; the constant care and attention that not just one new baby required - but two; how our then two-year old daughter would handle the "additions;" not to mention, how we would cope financially. Steve was in his last year of law school at the time and I had stopped working at my bookkeeping job when I hit the last trimester of my pregnancy, s
o life was definitely already hectic. It's funny though how your brain and your body compensate for fear and anxiety when it comes to making sure that the world is safe and happy for your children. I say that, because looking back, that must have been what got me through those long nights, long days and short hours of sleep. Having the opportunity to raise two more incredible people really puts all of the fears and worries aside, when you just reflect on how lucky you are to be in that position in the first place.

My C-Section was scheduled for 6:00 pm that day. It was discovered that Aidan was breech in the seventh month of pregnancy and given the risk that is associated with trying to turn/move twins and risking their cords being twisted, we had known for some time that a Cesarean birth was the plan. I remember triple-checking my bags and excitedly calling my sister, who was caring for Brynn while we were in the hospital that first night. I remember looking around our house and knowing it would be the last time that only three people lived in it. I remember sitting in the waiting room: anxious, nervous and excited. I remember the anesthesiologist coming in to administer the epidural and then I remember Dr. Lyons talking to Steve. Funny enough, I don't remember much in between until I heard Aidan crying ... and then one minute later, heard Shea do the same. And THEN... I remember that my whole world transformed into a completely new role from what it had been even moments before; adding extra doses of both responsibility and joy to my life. It's a pretty incredible moment to go from being a mom of one to a mom of three in just two minutes; and one that I would not trade or change for one second.

Sometimes days are hectic, stressful and hard. Sometimes, the accountability I feel for keeping up with my many roles can feel overwhelming. But it really is incredible that when the dust settles and the momentary "catastrophes" get resolved, that what it all boils down to is that who I am as a person and all that I contribute to this world throughout my lifetime are SO closely tied to the role of being three people's mom. That doesn't mean that this role is WHAT defines me, but that what I do with the position has EVERYTHING to do with how I measure my success with my life presently, as well as throughout the rest of my years. I think I sometimes forget, in the midst of busy days and endless to-do lists, just how lucky I was twelve years ago, to walk from the maternity ward exit doors out to our silver Honda Accord with two new car seats in Steve's grip and Brynn's hand in mine, and drive home to start living a new life that would never be as challenging, nor as rewarding, as it had been the day before.

Yes, October 7th is a very important day indeed! I just wouldn't be "ME" without it.

**The boys holding their Rise Against tickets, which I believe were their favorites of the presents received**

1 comment:

Steve said...

Why is it that everytime I read one of your blogs I am on the verge of crying. Oh, how great life has been with you over the last decade and a half. I LOVE YOU.