Going Vegan

About five days ago, after years of being a vegetarian, I decided to take the plunge that I had been putting off for so long and dedicated myself to living vegan. It is something I have considered many times, yet always felt a little intimidated by, with the level of commitment I envisioned was involved. I wondered how I would shop, what I would keep in my kitchen, how I would cut out *gasp* cheese and eggs. I always admired those in the vegan community, but just wasn't certain that I could climb aboard.

So something unexpected happened to me on Monday morning. Though the thought of going vegan was always in the back of my mind, I woke up earlier than usual that day with a really clear mindset and decided, pretty much on the spot, that I was going to the store to buy me some vegan-friendly groceries. And I did. I walked in not really knowing what I was looking for, but figured that if it was a fruit, vegetable or said "vegan" on it, that I was safe. Then I came home and emailed my husband to tell him about my new agenda.

That was the beginning of it all... and five days later, I must admit that I am quite surprised at how easy the transition has been. There was this moment of temptation when I was slicing mozarella cheese for my kids' pizza; but I resisted and stirred my tofu that was sizzling in the pan. I am now on a quest to learn all I can about not only EATING vegan, but truly living it, without hypocrisy. I want to truly make a difference: not only for the animals and the environment, but for myself.

I hesitate to allude to the idea that I am going through a "mid-life" (wait, I'm not at mid-life - so I don't know what the proper term would be) crisis, but I have been more reflective of the past, aware of the present, and most importantly, envisioning the future; than I can remember being for quite sometime. I feel like I am having a sort of awakening (there, that's better than having a "crisis," right?) with a lot of subjects, viewpoints, theories and understandings of how I see the world; of the person I am and want to become; of the things I do, the things that I don't do, and the things that I want to do. It's a good thing, as M. Stewart would say. It's long overdue and it's refreshing and energizing. I am a little intrigued and surprised at how just having a different mindset can change so much around me. This "new mindset" includes my little veganism transformation. It changes the way I view things and makes me more mindful of the earth and the cycle of life. It makes me more mindful of the corporate-brainwashing tactics of our society, which includes tricking us into thinking that we have to eat a certain way. It's liberating to take control of not only my diet, but my mind. Just as I went through a transformation and awakening when I let go of religion and reclaimed my rationality and thinking processes; I feel a similar metamorphosis taking place with my commitment to being a vegan. It opens my eyes to a lot that I wish I had discovered long ago. But just as with everything in life, it is never too late to become that which you wish to be. I guess there are just different steps, different progressions, different incriments in the journey of life, for each of these discoveries to take place. For me, I am happy to be on a new path right now. I am happy to make my own little difference in the world. I am happy to learn. I am happy to enjoy music again. I am happy to re-discover ME.

~ J-Boo

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Lessons of a 2nd Degree Burn

About one week ago, I burned the middle finger on my left hand quite badly. My potholder was wet and when I went to grab a pan from the oven with my right-hand (that which the potholder was on), the heat seeped right through, causing an instant reaction for my left hand to reach up and grab the pan to steady the shock. OOPS! Huge mistake and INSTANT, major burn to the area that hit the metal first. For hours, it stung and burned to an insane level. I ran it under cold water, held it tightly and hoped that when the pain subsided that I would a) still be able to play my bass; and b) be able to type. I didn't know what the end result would be... but luckily, as the night went on, I regained some mobility with the finger and the hand; and although it was extremely sensitive, I was able to continue with regular activities (most importantly those involving my guitar and my computer - ha) by the next morning. Over the next few days, a gigantic, bubbly, gnarly blister developed. It seemed to grow larger and larger for the next 48 hours or so, until I got used to seeing it and bumping it into damn near everything that I touched. It finally popped and a new healing process began.

It was during this curative time that I started realizing that this blister, and the entire incident, really; was almost a reflection of how I had been feeling recently and transformations I had been experiencing. My emotions, reflections, tribulations, experiences, hopes, and fears had, in a way, been through a rollercoaster of a ride; sort of like my middle finger had been.

I had felt the burn, the shock, the pain, the fear, the relief, and the increasing pressure.
Then, it/I sort of **POPPED** and released a lot of what had been pent up.
But the positive effect of it all was that a new healing began and a tough new barrier developed that mended the mistake and the twinges of pain as it/I progressed through each step.

I am left with a new epidermatic layer of both skin and understanding. Both are a bit thicker and stronger. Both are more mindful of not making the same mistakes, protecting that which is precious, understanding how powerful healing (in any sense) can be, and how ironic it was that the whole occurrence centered around my middle finger.

~ J-Boo


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Fixture

In my dreams I do not sit
in the big gray chair;
I journey ... create ... and live.

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Back to Square One

Ooooohh... I had come SO far! Ok, well probably not THAT far in most peoples' books ... but to ME, a girl who has been bald for years, it was significant!!

This morning, I had to dig out the clippers and buzzzzzzzzzzzz off the growth... and then **gasp** shave it smooth again with the razor. All in the name of the "Characters Welcome" ad campaign for USA Network TV. Yep, it's true... they only love me for my deviant, bald head.
Sheesh!!!

I kid, I kid ... but I was pretty bummed.

Here it is moments before the shave...







Tomorrow, it's back to SQUARE ONE!! Read more!

I Wish

I wish ... I could walk away

I wish I had listened

I was wiser

I wish I was brave

I wish it mattered

I wish I hadn't conformed

I wish that the facade matched the reality

I wish I could rewind

I wish I could fast-forward

I wish I had less to lose

I wish I could face it

I wish I had no bottle opener

I wish I had the will

I wish I had read before I typed
I wish I had looked back

I wish I could remake decisions

I wish had become before I became

I wish I could speak

I wish I had a one-way ticket

I wish I had abandoned other's wishes

I wish I didn't have to play happy

I wish I had followed through

I wish that the shadows didn't block the sun

I wish I had painted instead of prayed

I wish I had chosen a different escape plan

I wish I had time

I wish someone would protect me

I wish I knew why

I wish it was worth it

I wish I had a verse; and a chorus

I wish I had somewhere to go

I wish ... I could.
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Scintillant

Aspirations:
Hovering quietly
amongst the bustling chaos of the day.

Fervor,
fascination,
and zeal...
glimmer inconspicuously.

Keep the diligent ambition ...
as it quietly lurks behind
the corners of monotonous agendas.

Vast potential;
the extent of which remains unseen,
as long as the motivating spark sneaks through
like whispers in the room.

~ J-Boo Read more!

Show Me How You Do That Trick

I am seriously stoked!
I can't remember the last time I felt so invigorated and sanguine.

It may be an easy bass line, but I just played along with Simon (well, as much as I could, anyway)... and it felt really, really great!!



My fingers are all tingly and numb from practicing so much and I love it!!

I needed this spark.
I needed an objective again.
I needed to learn something new.
I needed a goal.

I feel like I have one (and, well, MANY ENDLESS goals, really) again.

Funny that something so simple could restore such long overdue vitality to my step.

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Scales & Arpeggios

THIS is me, as of late; trying to get my fingers and my brain to synch up while playing my bass.
I do believe that Toulouse has some very good advice.




Scales & Arpeggios
do mi do mi do so mi do
Every truly cultured music student knows
You must learn your scales and your arpeggios
Bring the music ringing from your chest
And not your nose
While you sing your scales and your arpeggios

If your faithful to your daily practicing
You will find you progress is encouraging
Do mi so mi do me so mi fa la so it goes
When you do your scales and your arpeggios

Do mi so doi
(Fast piano music playing)

do mi so do do so mi do (Repeat)
Though it seems at first it doesn't show
Like a tree ability will bloom and grow
If you're smart you'll learn by heart what every artist knows
Your must sing your scales
And your arpeeee ee eeggioooooooooos!

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On My Screen

Awwww ... 'twas a nice surprise this morning when I came down to sit at my computer.















I think it deserves a haiku.

Steve
Dedicated love.

Throughout two decades. It stays
by my side; always.

<3
<3
<3
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My Fender

And so the journey begins.

YAY!!!!!!!
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Bald WAS Beautiful

"Be Your Own Cupcake!" Words I live by and try to spread to others through my art project, the Cupcake Continuum. It's all about celebrating individuality and being proud of who you are; no matter what! Everyone is different and I love that those little idiosyncratic characteristics make the world beautiful and diverse!

One physical characteristic about me that has been a constant for many years now is my bald head. I am comfortable without hair and my scalp has also served as an open canvas for beautiful ink work that two of my good friends started collaborating their tattoo skills upon. I hesitate to think that this ONE aspect of me is what makes me "me," but given an unfavorable reaction to my attempts at altering my baldness, I sometimes wonder if this is a major fixation towards the way that others envision me. As odd as it sounds, GROWING hair has elicited adverse reactions from friends and acquaintances in my online world, as well as my real-life world. Just as most women might receive negative responses if they chopped off their locks, I sort of received those same reactions when I tried to grow mine out. Crazy, I know... but true too.

So I started thinking how funny it was that no matter who you are, you are always conscious of people's attitudes and dispositions towards you. Both times I have decided that I was tired of the bald look and started growing hair again, I actually ended up shaving any amount of follicle growth I had accomplished because of others' disapproval. As backwards as the whole scenario seems, I recently realized that by doing so, I wasn't really "being my own cupcake" if I was letting others dictate who I was. Not that hair, or lack of hair, really has anything to do with WHO you are inside, or what you offer to others, or who you become... but apperances are sometimes so scrutinized that I believe that I was almost fulfilling the opposite of what my "message" was. If I wanted a little makeover and wanted hair again... then by all means, why didn't I grow it? It's not that difficult and it's even FREE.

So ... long-story-short, this blog is to remind myself that I should look how I want to look. Sure, my bald, tattooed, skull is commonplace to most of those that know me. But I'm still Jinxi whether is shiny and smooth; fuzzy and transitional; or long and lush. And with that said, today is the FIRST day of my conscious "growing my hair out" quest. Love it or not, I'm still the same me ... and just like everyone else, sometimes I need a "change" too. =) Should I decide to finish the tattoo up top at some point, maybe I'll take it all off again? Who knows? After all, it's ONLY hair, right?

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Mixed Tape

That mixed tape of dreams spun around and around so many times in my head that I thought the sepia brown ribbon would break and unravel before my eyes.

The music, my escape; played repetitively,
while aspirations to have these songs heard outside of the confined, stark walls grew stronger.

So I hit the "play" button and kept the tempo;
living like an allegro;
not pondering the dynamics of the sounds or harmony...
for such a long time.

Then ... rapid realization!
The "fast-forward" button was accidentally pushed...
and by the time I noticed ...
the tape was altered;
and unraveling quickly.

Perplexed,
Regretful,
Discouraged ...

I needed a new playlist.
I needed my cassette-full of melodies back.

Why is my boom box on "pause?"

I wanted this journey to be my own dance,
my own rhythm.
my own show.

Perhaps the stereo just needs to be plugged back in?

~ Jinxi Boo
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